Column, DNEWSINFO
It’s a question that makes everyone pause. Instinctively, we may want to argue, “It doesn’t” or “It shouldn’t.” Love is supposed to feel great all the time! And often, it does. But as soon as reality sets in, we are forced to acknowledge that love can, in fact, be painful.
Love hurts for many reasons, psychological, emotional, and even sociological. It hurts because it matters. Love is a powerful force that demands our attention, constantly sending messages that shape our experiences. One of these messages comes from the very nature of human connection. We are wired to bond with others, to seek closeness, and to form relationships. This is why love feels so intense and why, when things don’t go as expected, the pain can be equally profound.
The human body plays a significant role in how we experience love and heartbreak. Various hormones influence our emotions and behaviors in relationships. Oxytocin helps us bond and connect, dopamine fuels our pursuit of pleasure and excitement, serotonin encourages playfulness and joy, while sex hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone contribute to deeper intimacy. These chemical messengers shape the highs and lows of love, making it an experience that is both beautiful and, at times, painful.
One of the reasons love hurts is because we always seem to want more. When we feel disconnected or when love is lacking, it can be deeply distressing. Connection is fundamental to human existence, and when it is threatened, the emotional pain can be overwhelming. Relationships often face challenges because of this longing for more, more attention, more affection, more understanding. When expectations are unmet, conflicts arise, and love, instead of feeling like a source of comfort, becomes a source of pain.
Another reason love can be painful is that it demands growth. True love challenges us to become better versions of ourselves. It pushes us beyond selfishness, requiring sacrifices for the sake of the relationship. Growth is not always easy but it can be uncomfortable, even painful. But if embraced, it makes us stronger, more whole, and more capable of deep, lasting love. The price, however, is that we must be willing to change, to let go of old habits, and to step outside our comfort zones.
At the heart of love is a willingness to look within. In relationships, it is tempting to blame the other person when things go wrong, to point fingers, or to justify our own actions. But love asks for more. It asks for introspection, for the humility to acknowledge our own flaws, and for the courage to grow alongside our partner. This journey is not always easy, and at times, it can be painful. But it is through this process that love deepens and becomes more meaningful.
Pain is an inevitable part of love, but suffering is optional. Love, by its very nature, comes with challenges. However, we can minimize the suffering by choosing to be intentional in our relationships, by making efforts to understand, to communicate, and to turn toward our partners rather than away from them. Love asks us to replace defensiveness with openness, to meet pain with a willingness to learn, and to allow our relationships to shape us into better, more compassionate individuals.
Though love may sometimes hurt, it is also one of the most powerful forces in life. The very fact that it can bring pain is a testament to how deeply it matters. And in the end, love, despite its struggles, remains one of the most beautiful and transformative experiences we can have.
Edited and Compiled by Kayode kunle A |February 4, 2025
